I hate running. Shut up. Get dressed. Alright, lets do this. Ugh. Stop complaining. Start the timer now and use the stairs, that’ll be the warm up. 🎶S, A , F, E, T, Y. Safety! Dance!🎶 Shit, two minutes left on the warm up. This is boring. Aw, fuck … start running. I hate this song. Skip. Skip. 🎶I feel so unsure, as I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor🎶 Too slow. Skip. Okay. Jesus, it’s only been 42 seconds. 24:18 to go. This sucks. Don’t look at the timer. Think of something else. Put bread and toothpaste on the grocery list. See? That helps. Shit, I looked at the timer. Okay, don’t look again until two songs have played. 🎶Those times I waited for you seem so long ago.🎶 This is my jam! Don’t look. Damnit. Skip. Try an incline. Oof! No incline. Keep going, don’t stop! Oh, my god, this sucks balls. Skip. I hate this song. Skip. Ugh. Okay, go ahead and look. No, don’t! Shit, I looked. I should put a sticky on the screen to hide the timer. Or, just stop looking, you dumbass. Fuck. Maybe I cuss too much. Fuck that! It’s getting warm in here. Can I take off my shirt? I’m wearing a sports bra. That’d be okay, right? No, weirdo. Suck it up. MOTHERFUCK, I hate this! 🎶Is this the real life, is this just fantasy?🎶 Oh, hell yeah! You can do this. This is the best song ever! I could run 10 miles on this song. Stop fucking around, you’re gonna trip. Just run. 🎶It’s electri—🎶 SKIP! What would happen if I tripped? How long before they found my scraped body at the end of this treadmill? Don’t look. 🎶Hiya, Barbie, Hi, K—🎶 Skip. 🎶Not a word from your lips. You took it for granted I want to skinny dip🎶 The Bionic Woman can NOT wheeze through the 70s 5k. My hip joints hurt. If I quit now, I’ve already done more than I would have sitting in bed. Don’t quit. You did this same workout yesterday. You can do it again. This sucks. I’m sweating. 13:12. Fuck me! What if I have a heart attack? 🎶I come home in the morning light. My mother says ‘When you gonna life your life right?’🎶 When is that 5k? How in the hell am I going to be able to run a 5k in 2 weeks?! Crap, I gotta finish the costumes. THREE full songs without looking. Skip. Why is this song on my playlist?! Skip. Skip. Skip. Pick a damn song! 🎶A place, where nobody dared to go🎶 XANADU! 🎶A love that you came to know🎶 Not out loud, dumbass! God, I feel like shit. I hope no one walks in. Get it together. In through your nose, out through your mouth. In. Out. My feet hurt. I need new shoes. 🎶On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair🎶 Okay, you got this. Keep going. Oh, my god, I hate this. I think my shoelace is untying. It feels loose. No, Tonya Harding, keep going. 6:27. Final stretch. Quit being a baby. Skip. 6:24. Stop looking. Okay, look. ARGHH, 6:21. Close your eyes. Whoa, open your eyes! 🎶You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar, when I met you🎶 Almost done. Fuck, it’s hot. Almost done. Come on! Less than 5 minutes now. Homestretch, you fucking baby. The length of about one song. Or, 5 if you keep skipping after the fucking chorus! I only like songs up to the first chorus. I’ve done enough. If I stop now, it’s like I did the whole thing. Nope. Do it! 3 minutes. 2 minutes. 🎶The devil went down to Georgia, he was lookin’ for a soul to steal🎶 I love this song! Maybe I’ll keep running until the end even if it goes over. Nah, that’s just crazy talk. 30 seconds. *Gasp. *Wheeze. *Wipe. 10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1! Cool Down!! Shit, 5 minutes?! Oh. My. God.