1 rack PORK RIBS

1 can PINEAPPLE SLICES, preferably in heavy syrup but pineapple juice works

1/2 to 1 cup BROWN SUGAR

1/2 cup WATER

SOY SAUCE

GARLIC SEASONINGS

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Using a paper towel for grip, pull the membrane off the back of the rib rack. Cut rack into individual ribs. Line a 9×12 cake pan with aluminum foil or you will regret it for days, Spread ribs into the pan and sprinkle with brown sugar, garlic seasonings, and soy sauce to taste. You’ll have to practice until you find your perfect combination. Top with pineapple slices and pour syrup (or juice) into pan. Add water. Bake for a couple of hours, until tender but before the sauce dries up. Serve with white rice and top with the sauce from the ribs.

Now, the story:

I was a skinny kid and a notoriously picky eater. I once ordered only a baked potato at a restaurant and was mercilessly teased for years by my sister’s shitty boyfriend. I ordered plain hamburgers from McDonald’s. I threw up at the table when I was forced to eat fired potatoes with onions. I dreaded the inevitable comments about my weight and the orders to “Eat!” I’d sit at the table in anguish and gag between each swallow. I got slapped across the face when my dad discovered that I had been stuffing my stepmother’s food down the heater vent next to my seat. You name it.

I liked pineapple ribs; probably because of the gooey salty-sweet pineapple sauce. I was a kid, after all.

My mean uncle Butch was over for dinner. Each of us stood with our plates already piled with snow white, steaming rice while he lorded over the pan of ribs, serving each of us – cafeteria style as we side-stepped past him.

He plopped two ribs onto my plate and raised the fork with a pineapple slice. I told him I didn’t like the pineapple. He glared at me and said I was getting one and I was going to eat it. I swerved my plate and the pineapple slice landed with a sticky, sloppy splat onto the tile floor. I looked up and received my loud scolding about being a brat and a liar because “all kids like the pineapple”. I was ordered to clean up “my” mess while every person in that room acted like it didn’t happen because that seems to be easiest route around a sadistic bully but happens to be the worst for the bullied.

I truly hated that man.

I did NOT eat a fucking pineapple slice that night. To this day, I still won’t.