Feeling a bit like a pig wearing lipstick, we passed the regular lines and walked right up to the representative to check in for our Dallas flight at American Airlines Priority. A First Class perk, we were not charged the bag fee for our suitcase and, I should think not, considering how much the damn ticket cost in the first place!

We made fools of ourselves by trying to board with the first call but quickly found out that there is whole other level above First Class. We were put in our place and told to step back to allow Concierge Key Members to board first. Hmmpht! There is always a bigger fish.

We were offered a pre-flight drink while the commoners continued to board. It was awesome! We got to sip our drinks as people glared at us and pushed past our first row seats! I’ve always wondered how that was managed! I now know that the attendants will heartlessly cut in line between the harried, pissed off passengers to hand you your drink. It’s fabulous!

Take-off in First Class is no different than Main Cabin, FYI. There is no difference in the turbulence either but, our window view is infinitely better.

Our very handsome, Dylan McDermott look-alike flight attendant took our breakfast order while the pilot announced that we were making good time and would arrive 30 minutes early. Slow down, buddy! I want my full first class experience, Mr. Speedy McSpeedster!

First Class breakfast consisted of a yummy omelet with potatoes, a bowl of fruit, and a choice of bread placed daintily on a side plate with tongs — all served on glass dinnerware!

I was stressing myself out from trying not to come off looking and acting like Granny Clampett until I remembered that I paid for my ticket just like all the others. This is my seat and I am entitled to the treatment. So, I sat back and enjoyed the shit out of it.

I was most fascinated by the diaphanous curtain dividing First Class from Main Cabin.

It is see-through so steerage can observe what they are missing. It obviously serves only to keep them in their rightful place. Our gorgeous flight attendant, who also looks an awful lot like Jonathan Ryms Meyers (if McDermott and Ryms had a baby, he would look like Sean), would close it with dramatic flourish whenever it was left open by anyone having the audacity to wander past the invisible barrier to use OUR bathroom. Gasp! I told him the curtain should be electrified. Not much … just a little jolt. Some good ole Positive Punishment conditioning. God, that would be hilarious!

I am perfectly aware that, in the event of a crash, First Class does not break off and float down on a parachute. We will all die the same fiery death but I will definitely be more comfortable on the way down. The extra leg room and wide leather seats will be small, but very real, comforts as I plummet to my screaming death.

The final treat was the warm washcloth Sean placed in our hands with, probably, the same tongs he used for the bread. I don’t care. I’m not complaining — just observing that it is doubtful they have two tongs up there, one marked “bread” and one labeled “washcloth”.

I guess the warm cookie is just an urban legend or maybe they don’t serve them on the morning flight. That is my only complaint. I’ll revise my bitching if I get a cookie on our return (lunchtime) First Class flight.

I can’t wait! I hope they’ve electrified that curtain by then!

Final verdict: To paraphrase Ferris Bueller — It is so choice! If you have the means, I highly recommend it.