This is the first time in decades that we don’t have a tree up. Our realtor advised against it because he wants the condo to look neutral and clutter free. I couldn’t be happier! My daughter; however, did ask about the tree and was slightly disappointed when I told her I wasn’t putting it up this year. Feeling a smidge guilty, I bought this 13 inch countertop tree from CVS:

I hate it! Clearly, no matter the size, I just don’t like Christmas trees. It’s bright and garish and, as I’ve lamented before, just doesn’t fit in my decor. That, and its cheap green glitter is everyfuckingwhere.

In honor of my loathing and discomfort, I re-post my grinch-y blahg from last year.

Enjoy my pissiness.

Originally posted on December 1, 2018:

I don’t hate Christmas. Let’s get that straight right from the get go. I piss and moan the whole of December so people tend to get the wrong idea.

I definitely don’t love Christmas but to say I hate it is a bit extreme. It’s stressful and I don’t like the forced frivolity of it; but, we send holiday cards, we decorate, we exchange gifts, and we eat a traditional meal.

The tree though ….

Everyone loves that damn tree.

Of course they do. It’s a bright and colorful symbol of the holiday and, it’s no work at all … for them. This is most decidedly a point of contention dividing me and my family.

That dumb tree is decorated simply — with white lights, picture ornaments, candy canes, orbs, and those silver icicles that have become so difficult to locate I am convinced I’m the only one trying to. You may remember them? Everyone starts by putting them on the stupid tree one strand at a time but ends up throwing them at the wretched tree in big, psychedelic clumps.

The ornaments are my favorite part. Through the years, I have made a beeline to Michaels to buy two ornaments with the year engraved on the face and a place for a picture. Every year, I have dutifully added the kids’ school picture and placed it on a branch, making sure to alternate son, daughter, son, daughter, dog (yes, you read that correctly), son, daughter. The last few years, I even paid extra to get the sheet of student exchange-sized photos they stopped including in the packet for some reason. The final year required a call to LifeTouch to special order that sheet, but you can bet your ass I got it. They have both graduated so I’ve not needed to buy any ornaments for two years. Someday, I will hand my keepsakes over when they start their own cursed tree.

Back to that miserable tree…

I put it up on December 1 and take it down on December 26. One year my husband convinced me to put it up for Thanksgiving — worst year of my life! Okay, I’m exaggerating but it DID amplify my hatred and I won’t make that mistake again.

It took me a while to pinpoint why I hate that bastard tree so much. It’s not because I begrudgingly put it up by myself or ecstatically take it down by myself. It is because I don’t like things in my home that are out of place. I may not be the cleanest person you’ve ever met but I am definitely one of the most organized. Things will get dusty from time to time but they are exactly where they belong. Every single thing in my home has a proper place. I can find any obscure item without hesitation. If I have it, I can find it. Odd things get assigned a permanent home or get unceremoniously thrown out. No exceptions, and only a few regrets. I’ve had guests who have accidentally left something behind. I immediately pack it up and ship it back. They think I’m being a thoughtful host but, really, I’m just dying to get that shit out of my house. It can’t stay here! This is a hard and fast rule.

So, the damn tree…

It is the oddest thing in my home for a period of 26 days. It makes me uneasy and I despise it from the moment I lug the box out of storage until the afternoon I can finally tuck it back into its place. Yes, it’s pretty and festive but it doesn’t match and it doesn’t belong.

Every holiday season dictates that I have this huge, imposing goddamn tree in my living room for almost a month. There is no way around it because it is mandatory for the season. Because of everyone’s expectation, I have to put my discomfort aside and grumble under my breath while I count down the days until I get my real Christmas gift on the very early morning of the 26th.

Christmas just wouldn’t be Christmas without it, so I’m obliged to purposefully put up that fucking misplaced tree. I completely blame Christmas for this and that pisses me off.

Hey! Maybe I do hate Christmas after all!