For the first time in two years, my husband, son, daughter and I are in the same city. We have been lucky enough to see my daughter pretty regularly despite her living on the east coast. My son lives “across the pond” so I haven’t seen him in two whole years because of canceled work and personal trips due to Covid 19. Oh, what joy to have everyone in the same room for a family hug!

We had had a busy morning so I decided to close my eyes for a 15 minute nap before our afternoon plans and dinner. I didn’t turn on the sound machine because I wanted to keep my sleep light. That didn’t happen.

Here is how my own subconscious decided to fuck me over:

I dreamed that the 4 of us were in a car on a narrow road climbing a mountain. It was a bright and sunny morning and felt carefree. Out of nowhere, there was construction and a gap in the road. With no time to react, the car bumped the gap and slid sideways. I looked straight down at the enormous drop as deep as the Grand Canyon. With absolutely no doubt whatsoever, I thought to myself “We are going to die.”

With immense sadness, the world settled in my chest knowing this was the end.

“I love you,” I told my family as the car twisted upside down.

I felt the weightlessness of my hair, body, and arms and saw my own hair float past my face. The car landed upside down with a weirdly silent thud and everything went dark. I wondered if I was dead or if I had somehow survived while certain we did not.

In real life I gasped myself out of sleep but kept my eyes squeezed shut so I could process that the terror I was experiencing was not real.

This story is full of symbolism, irony, life lessons, and fears too heavy to analyze. I just pray I never have to experience that depth of dread ever again. It was, for a millisecond, the most terrifying feeling I’ve ever endured and I am forever grateful to be able to awaken from its grip.

P.S. – We jumped into an Uber taking us to an Escape Room. I kid you not, the driver turned the wrong way on a one way street with a car coming straight towards us. That motherfucker got a 1 star rating.

P.P.S. – My son and I decided to try the flight simulator at the Smithsonian National Museum of American History. For $10 each, they strap your ass into a “cockpit” to shoot down enemy planes. The weightlessness we felt as we barrel-rolled through the virtual sky nearly gave me the shits!