It’s a surprise to absolutely no one who knows me that I hate running.

I don’t like doing a 5K but I like having done a 5K. I don’t get the adrenaline rush until about 27 minutes after the race is over so it does me no good whatsoever.

Here are some of my most memorable runs:

The mud run was a military-type obstacle course 5K that nearly killed me. It was my very first official run and I had to carry sand bags, crawl under ropes, wade through water, climb a wall, and pull myself through a mud pit. This was so much more than just running and it’s goddamn lucky I didn’t quit running right then and there after that big pile of bullshit.

The beach run was just that, a 5K along the Atlantic shoreline. The sand added an unexpected level of difficulty making my legs feel like lead so, you know … SUPER fun.

The Key West run was ordinary until we ran out on a very long pier straight out to the Atlantic Ocean and back. The view was extraordinary!

The zombie-themed obstacle race was fun and terrifying. I detest being chased so I’m not sure what the hell I was thinking when I signed up for this. Being dressed like Wonder Woman did not save me from having my flags taken by zombies, which meant I finished but I didn’t survive. This is the race that got me motivated to start running because I was right in the middle of my Walking Dead phase.

There was a run in Florida that was nothing special except that the 2nd half of the course was running against the winds that Hurricane Sandy had left behind so it was like running in slow motion.

The D.C. runs have been cool if only for the fact that we’ve run along the Potomac River and all around the monuments. Even the one we ran in below freezing temperatures, with snot dripping out of our noses, was worth the historic views!

In all, I’ve run approximately 15 5Ks, all of them in full make up because, if I’m gonna end the race looking like something the cat dragged in, I’m gonna start it looking halfway decent.

I haven’t died from running a 5K like I thought I would. Yet.